Monday, June 21, 2010

Home Alone and Whacking It.

Okay,...get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talkin' about the dangers of cutting me loose in the garden without anyone around!....have you calmed down yet??.....Miiiinnnndd outta the gutter??
Jack says, "Can you help me with some yard work?? I can't do it all myself!"
I reply, "Why not?,...I mean sure,.....What was the question??" ...while scratching my brain.
Jack says, ever so patiently if I might add, "Can you help meeee with some yaaarrrd work??"
For once I just shut up.
Jack leads me out to the garden,....I walk ten paces back and to the left,....paying very close attention,...hint of sarcasm.
Jack says,...impatiently if I might add, "Are you coming????"
"Yes" I enthusiastically reply while turning around,....taking one last glance at the walk-in we just passed by, set at 34 degrees and filled with cold beers.
"Damn, sure could drink a beer."....I say under my breath,...but ofcourse she hears me....
"What did you say?" she asks knowingly.
"Oh, nothing." scratching my brain again.
Jack starts with instructions...."Okay,....I want you to mulch these last few rows of potatoes, put it on reeeeaaal thick so the weeds don't come through. These two bales of straw should do it!"
I look at the two bales,.....and then the long rows,....and then the two bales,......and then the long rows,....the two bales,.....the long rows, and think to myself, "Just be quiet,....don't say a word!"....
But Jack can even hear me thinkin',... "It will be enough!" she says, getting annoyed with my body language,gestures, and mannerisms.
"No it won't!"......damn,... did I just say that out loud?? Please don't tell me I said that out loud,...I know better!
Jack stares,...while I walk the line.
Jack yanks my arm and drags me over to another pile of weeds,...just like a scene from a romantic movie,...okay maybe a romantic comedy,....alright, maybe just a bad scene from a poorly directed low budget film.
Instructions start,..."See that big pile of weeds??"
"Yes." I say, because that's what is expected of me.
"I need you to weed whack everything except these two Stinging Nettles right here."
"Right here."
"These two??"
"Why??"......there I go again,...thinking out loud,....I scratch my brain yet again,'s a hot day.
"Because......."......her voice fades as I catch a glimpse of the IF96fitty just sittin' there,...waitin' to be had.
I start thinking about skipping over trees and droppin' knees around turns, the rhythm of the bounce on some technical climbs, cleanin' Mackey,....okay I'm really dreaming now!
Jack says "Okay, I'm leaving now."
I wave lovingly as she backs the car up and pulls out of the driveway,....I continue waving as I stroll into the middle of the street,....making sure she drives outta sight, fades away with the heat waves off the road.
I  walk directly from point A to point B,....point B being the beer cooler aka the walk-in.
Choices,...Hopback or Loose Cannon,....experience tells me to drink the lighter one first,..Hopback it is.
I walk into the dilapidated shed/garage and grab the weed whacker, starts right up. I finish my beer and send it skipping through the lawn and onto a pile,....the bottle seems to be pretty durable. I approach the big pile of weeds and think...."Okay,...which ones did she wanna' keep???"....I rev up the weed whacker and go at it........

Based on a true story,.....but the dialogue???...Well,'s all made up. Been tryin' to help her out as much as I can, and contrary to what the story line suggests, I've been keepin' my mouth shut. Been tryin' to live up to that "Tractor" nickname and keepin' it slow, strong and steady.


Jackie said...

Very, very loosely based on a true story; about 95 percent of that is fictional.

Buck said...

Rode S. Gas on Sun with the bunch. Better flow without all the bloody nose and broken helmet stuff. Sternum is feeling much better now. THANKS FOR THE FLOW! The first beer on the vineyard is on me, well the Strouses and the Gettiers actually, but you know what I mean.

Nevada said...

Fiction or not - Great write up.

P.S. - I have some weeds and mulching that needs done too.

Travis said...

It's a fictional as it gets! Just a funny scenario. Hence Jack being my much better half and me being the redneck roofer. I hate to admit it,...hate being a very strong word, but I like working with her in the garden. She's learnin' me!